mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
