We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
