So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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