my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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