'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
