Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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