Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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