I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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