he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
