I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
