But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
