Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
tell me about the eggs
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