The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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