Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
