"it" just moved
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
