I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
