I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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