I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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