The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
