my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Holy shit dude........stairs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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