Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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