he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
