apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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