the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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