Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
