The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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