Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
