I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
