I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
