i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
