The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
