i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Randomize
