So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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