I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the condom got lost in my hair
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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