Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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