it hurts more in the daytime
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
