Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
