Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
