i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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