They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
