By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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