I bet he comes in French.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
