A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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