It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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