And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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