the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
