so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
