dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
