OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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