I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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