Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
