Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
