u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
