Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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