I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
