his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
