Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
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I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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