I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
birth control should be required to get into college
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
