whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
