I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
