You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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