pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
