M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
