Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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