He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
