I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
