I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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