fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
