i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
