I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just pee around me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
