Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
