ttyl tear gas
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
