He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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