Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
