This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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