i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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