I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
