just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
