I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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