you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
