then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
