My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize