Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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