Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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