You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
